Micro blogging is the arch enemy of the macro blogger. Twitter has taken the best of my eloquence of speech and given me back nothing but cynicism of the worst kind; the kind that assumes the air of somehow being better in its grammatically correct and wittily phrased expression than the sentiments of the ‘little people’ (those who think Taylor Swift’s latest album has depth and that anyone cares that they got tickets to a David Guetta concert). I am ashamed of myself, really. A true cynic does not seek to glorify the self in putting others down, but only to express his/her lack of faith in the human race, as it mercilessly demands the playing of Oppa Gangnam Style on the radio till our ears bleed. A true cynic refuses to join the bandwagon, and remains stoically rooted in his/her conviction that McFly deserved all of the fame and fangirls that One Direction are now getting (British boy bands really do it for me). A true cynic will recognize that Nicki Minaj being allowed to make music and sell it is a loud, (ugly), resonating confirmation of what the Mayans predicted for our world thousands of years ago.

I know who I want to be for Halloween next year.

I know who I want to be for Halloween next year.

Twitter has made me sourer, more self-absorbed (in a hollow, Voldemort way, not in an awesome Sheldon Cooper way) and less tolerant towards people in general. Got a strong opinion on something which I don’t really have an opinion about? Well, now I have an opinion. My opinion is that YOUR opinion is WRONG. Wrong. Wrong. WRONG. How do I know that? I got the YourOpinionSucksElephantBalls hash tag trending worldwide didn’t I? How much more proof do you need?!

The final straw is when you start thinking like you tweet. Gone are the abstract thoughts that previously floated around in that hallowed little space in your cranium, in their own blissful nirvana. Now every thought you have vies for your attention, crying “Tweet me! Tweet me!” And you just have to review them all as they come and go, and share it with the whole darned world. Because they NEED to know that this thought was thought by you first and not by that loser who likes to steal your tweets.


Perhaps the alien invasion the Americans have always been wary of is finally here, but more stealthy and more terrifying than they could have ever imagined. It is an invasion on the privacy of our minds, and this invasion is being carried out by us ourselves. The dark side of the Force has won.



Douche Vader is your boss. Who knew?

Douche Vader is your boss. Who knew?


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