A few of you guys have been asking me why I haven’t been writing, and I’ve probably said stuff like, “I’ve just been so busy of late!” or “It’s this school year, it’s killing me,” or “I love to procrastinate (this last one’s particularly my favorite because I love the word procrastinate)”. And this is all true. But I’m never too busy to write, and even though I am being drained of my creative energy much like a mortal is drained of their vitality by a soul-sucking Dementor, and I really do love to procrastinate, none of the above are truly the reasons behind my refusal to update my blog.
The truth is I’m depressed. I don’t know if it’s because of one thing or many things but this feeling is consuming me. I feel dull and unattractive and prospect-less and like a complete and utter failure. Writing used to give me a sense of accomplishment. It used to make me feel significant. It used to give me so much joy. But now I feel hollow inside. I honestly do believe there’s nothing I could write about that other people would enjoy reading because my life has become so monotonous that I can’t imagine wanting to read about it, let alone a bunch of people I may or may not know.
The world seems to have disappointed me, and I haven’t even seen a fraction of it yet!
I’ve often read and heard that it takes a great deal of courage to write something that is honest and good. And lately I’ve been feeling like the biggest coward there was. But that is going to change. In fact, it’s changing as I type these words. I’ve decided to be honest about the facts: my life sucks (right now), and although in my misery there have been truly valuable lessons to be learnt, I would never, ever want to experience what I’m going through right now.
So, from now on I’m going to be honest and write what is true to me. It has been bothering me that I can no longer produce the same type of stuff I used to come up with before because I was so different then. But even writers grow into another version of themselves and I suppose as they grow, their writing grows.
I just hope you all still like it.